Christmas is a special time of year, for children, for families. We have special traditions around it, as most families do. We do it differently than Swedish families, we do it differently than even our own families. We have a beautiful blend of traditions unique to our family, to our circumstances.
This Christmas I have seen and heard, from a distance, the impact that spending Christmas away from family has had on my children.
In no fault of the foster homes where they have been forced to spend it! The foster families did their bit to try to make it as happy and carefree as possible for our children. They made sure our children had presents under the tree, they involved them in some wonderful traditions of their own. They probably even showered them with love and attention.
It’s not the same though!
When children are ripped from happy homes there is little well-meaning people can do.
My 12 year old put it so well: it was an awkward Christmas- neither good, nor bad, neutral, but expressive.
Never, in my worst nightmares, did I imagine that our family would be spending Christmas ripped apart. And we kept hope alive till the very last moment. Hope that social workers would listen to the children’s pleas, to our pleas.
No! They took away our hope for a Christmas reunion.
They, nonchallently, informed us of what the children would be doing with their foster families. At no point in time, were we asked how we usually celebrate Christmas. There was no consideration of making this big milestone as smooth as possible for the children.
And that’s when this blog was born, when hope was lost, that’s when I opened up this deep, dark chapter of our lives to public scrutiny.
When you lose faith and hope in a just system, when you feel bullied by bureaucrats, claiming to be looking at your child’s best interest, but refusing to look at a bigger picture, when they watch your children suffer and spiral downwards… it’s time to say STOP!
This country, Sweden, so beautiful and so progressive, needs to look at these people who are judging what is for “the child’s best” yet defiantly say: “what your child wants does not matter!”
I can’t tell you how many people have said to me: “ but children naturally want to go back to their parents, however bad they are.” Really?
Then help them and don’t make it worse for them!
Help parents learn to be better parents, help children express their concerns better!
Spend the money on training amazing social workers, wonderful teachers, brilliant child psychologists, don’t spend the money on an inflated, privately-run foster care system!
Families should be together at Christmas! Where is the justice in this?!