Day 90
This process is proving to us that social services intervention makes life so much worse. We were on a path of getting help- we have reached out to friends and family, medical staff. I was reading books, creating routines to help, calling in reinforcements, near-peer support.
We are not perfect parents, nor the perfect couple. We never claimed we were. We have sought help.
In this process, so far, there has only been a single session of crisis counselling on Day 89, nothing for either of our boys to help them deal with the trauma (of police interrogations, unfamiliar homes, routines and people); my daughter has ended up needing emergency help (because our social workers had ignored our pleas to give her timely help from the beginning of the process).
What we struggle with most, in this whole ordeal, is the proportionality!
Any of our crimes against the children (most of which would be normal parenting practices throughout Europe), have been blown way out of proportion in our social workers’ “investigation” documents and the punishment is more a punishment for the children.
The UN Declaration and the European Convention stated rights to private and family life as fundamental human rights are not respected, nor protected in this process neither for the children nor for us.
The worst parts of this process:
- Our social workers seem to believe they are doing the right thing by the children; two of our children do not have their voices heard;
- We are judged as pushy because we are professionals who want answers in a timely and just manner, as is prescribed by law;
- The social workers in our case seem to use our daughter to justify their actions. Yet, they have done little to protect this child, so far.
Gabby threw a snowball as a little “hey notice me!” gesture, totally normal teenage behaviour, if you ask most parents of teenagers.
It totally missed the mark. (I didn’t understand the signs. I have failed her… repeatedly; I also made the naive mistake of relying on help from a medical system where a 13-year-old makes autonomous medical decisions.)
Our social workers took that snowball. Instead of examining all aspects carefully, they made up their mind early on and consciously threw the snowball down a hill to cause an avalanche.
An avalanche so far from the original intention of that little snowball!
An avalanche that wipes us all off our feet- taking innocent children as collateral damage-, leaving us swept along.
It’s petrifying!
We keep gasping for air.
Surrounded by whiteness.
Disoriented, often not even knowing which way is up or down.
And in all this, we keep thinking: how could we have stopped the avalanche?
… But it’s pointless! You can’t go back, so you have to look forward.
When (If!) the avalanche finally throws you all out, what will you do?
Scoop everyone up, heal all wounds, love, love, love without question. Be better, do better, together, for a better future.
…till that happens we need to focus on staying alive!
One day at a time!
In the meantime, there is no happiness! But there are happy moments. We have to find and cling onto those! Focus on feating moments of happiness and collect them.
It’s about appreciating the small things, the wonderful people around you, the love; the important thing is to find happiness in those, while trusting in a better future.
Our days are dark and lack the laughter, adventures and fun times of family life that we are used to.